time

it is only healthy that i start writing, right? whenever i brood over that unhappiness, i have to talk about it, right? so here i am, starting to write.

this year has not been the greatest year. i was not the happiest. i was not even happy. i probably do not love myself enough to realise how much more i actually deserved.

i know i will never be able to find someone who dotes me so much when we were alone. i know i will never be able to find someone who cares about my hunger. i know it sounds cliche, but its all the truths that i am happy to admit.

time will tell..

to the most heartbroken me

it has been 8 months. i thought i was ok. why do those flashbacks still come back to me?

i lost milkshake 8 months ago. there is a story behind it. no, i did not kill milkshake. someone else did. someone killed milkshake with her words.

what made me even upset is, they probably carried on with their lives, business as usual, while i wallow in this pitiful state which no one would ever empathise.

tears have been shed. in fact, buckets of angry tears. i dont even know what to feel now. its going to take months, or even years for me to get it over.

what is family? love does not kill. they probably wont know this pain anyways.

i fucking hate this depression................................. someone just take me away.

nothing is easy

nothing seems easy. its been 2 years, we are not the happiest. i dont think i can do it anymore.

happy pills

drifted

i thought i was ok

i thought i was ok. 1 week on, i had a good break. just got to know someone got milkshake-d too. i broke down again.

i thought i was ok.

how does it feel like losing a milkshake? sad and angry. sad that i was not able to milkshake it to the world. angry because i lost it completely, it was beyond my control. i am angry because i was not able to do anything to save it.

there was nothing i could do. NOTHING.

i thought i was ok.

i thought desserts, shopping, friends and families could get my shit together, no, they didnt. i thought i was ok.

second concern is, how am i going to work like this? how am i supposed to face milkshakes from all over the world and still smile like i still have mine?

fuck, i thought i was ok.

one week on, i need more days..

what am i doing

its 2 hours past midnight and i am still awake. insomnia from overnight flights always takes its toll on me. bad for health, bad for skin, bad for my brain, bad for everything.

as we welcome 2017 with open arms, there are many things that i need to consider. i am turning 28 this year. i am nearing my 30s. what should i be doing for my future? what are the available routes that is favourable to me? how should i execute all these plans?

honestly, i have no idea how long i am going to fly. its been 2 years, i am enjoying what i am doing. the smiles on my passengers' faces, the fun crews who spend 14 hours of gruelling long flights together, the awesome layovers etc. somethings telling me that i am not going to stop what i love doing. then again, is this something that i am going to stay on for life?

i have nothing to complain about except that rosters have been pretty hectic and there are crews who pretend to be "self employed". ended december with full load and minimum crew complements. nevertheless, the satisfaction after a busy and crazy flight never fails to keep me going.

this blog seems rather ded. ill do my best to keep it alive. whoever who still reads my blog, thank you for reading. i should be sleeping now. dog's grooming tomorrow and enzyme deliveries to be done asap.

Xmas, NY, 2015

2014 is coming to an end soon. i realized that i have been writing at this time of the year.

i have no idea what i have achieved this year besides doing recruitment for passion. why did i join the recruitment industry? it is simple. i want to advocate nurses to join the restructured hospitals for a better future. i want to have that human touch with my candidates and find out what they truly love, hence doing a job match for the, hopefully they will get something they like.

i enjoyed my journey with this company, however when the time comes, everyone has to move on. i love my job, to be freaking honest. i love to deal with nonsensical candidates and demanding clients. i love how they throw challenges on me. i love how my company recognized my efforts and most importantly, the satisfaction i earned from that chair i have been sitting.

people always say: if you are good in something, dont do it for free. yep..

new plans are coming up in 2015 i can hardly wait! friends are still leaving singapore for school and migration, and i am sitting down here watching them leave. dafug.

i am sure there are still a handful of random people reading this space. thank you! post shall end abruptly. bye!